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Friday, April 22nd 2005

9:59 AM

Think it's so easy? Let's see YOU try. A CONTEST!

Some friends and I were griping about the people who write the back copy for books. (Not me of course -- since I happen to know that my editor did this job and she is Perfection Personified. Of course.)

So how easy is it?
You have been handed a romance cover. A standard for your romance publishing group -- either a Romantic Suspense, a historical or ummm a comedy. You don't have time to read it, someone lost the descriptive sheet, and they're hoping you can come up with the title. Go on, WRITE THE BACK COPY. Make it compelling. Make it short.

Top three winners a book that comes with a title, back copy and everything. Grand prize winner gets a book PLUS SOCKS.

Here are the cover illustrations you must work with. Pick one. Remember: Romance. . . though, okay, you can fudge the sub-genre (number one screams erotica).

PICTURE ONE

PICTURE TWO

PICTURE THREE

PICTURE FOUR

PICTURE FIVE (update -- the other one was too fuzzy.)

[To all you people who do fab graphics? P~~~~~ I'm a rioter, Jim. Not a computercompetent designer]

OKAY GET TO WORK -- THE CONTEST ENDS WEDNESDAY APRIL 27!!!!!! Word limit is about 200. You know because you read the backs of books . . . . .and snicker. This'll teach ya.

237 People Say.

Posted by Teresa:

Kate--this should be great fun. Can't wait to read the entrants.

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 12:48 AM

Posted by D.Mahan:

Alexandra thought it was just another day at the pool. She was a professional syncronized swimmer, and training to compete in the Olympics, when he dove into her pool one day. Roman - the Russian diver, a gold medalist. His back stroke made her heart beat faster. As she opens her heart to love will she loose her Olympic dreams because of a dark secret in his past? Let Alexandra's Pool of Passion wash you away...

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 2:26 AM

Posted by Anonymous:

Maybe it was her wooden expression, or maybe it was the cozy habit she had of perching on his knee, like the little girl next door had. That tender, sweet tasting little girl...Zug shook his head to clear the memories of unquenched desire. It was definitely her wooden expression. As if she would be like him. Mimic his thoughts, feelings. Give voice to his innermost dreams. Zug had been so lonely. No one understood him until her. Until her impish grin had emerged from under his carving knife. The very image of love. Of pure, hot monkey sex. Of mother....

Cleo had never met a man like Zug. So hairy, so big, and with a woody that rivaled real woodies! He seemed to always know what she was thinking. He could take the words right out of her mouth! And when he bounced his knee, Oooo la la! Cleo felt like a puppet in his hands.

Until the day the termites came...

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 7:49 AM

Posted by Ann:

the above snippet is mine. Just passing the time and trying to entertain myself and others. Fun contest Kate!

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 7:50 AM

Posted by JoAnn:

For Picture Two:

Private Investigator Richard Dickens, aka Private Dick, couldn’t believe the mystery of a lifetime had just fallen into his lap. Unfortunately, along with it came the daughter of a missing Billionaire, Dan Lacy. Macy Lacy was only one of the clues to Dick finding the missing man. The other clues would consist of a bag of strawberries, a tube of lipstick and one purple dolphin dildo.

Macy can’t believe her father has up and left her family for another man as the police have told her. Hiring Private Dick is her only option to disproving that theory. However Macy soon finds herself enthralled with this truly charming man who will show her all the very detailed aspects and uses for each of the clues. Can Private Dick and Macy find her father and possibly a love of a lifetime?

Join Private Dick in this Romantic Comedy as he investigates the most bizarre yet prestigious case of all time.

Thank you, Kate, this was fun!

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 8:21 AM

Posted by Candy:

Here's my first entry, based on Photo no. 1. I doubt it's going to be the only one.

Title: A Piece of The Action

WET AND WILD....

Poinsettia Jones is a woman on a mission: to organize the first co-ed over-50 Olympic synchronized swim team. When new neighbors move in across the street and immediately invite her into their Senior Water Polo League, she can't believe her luck--or the passion she finds....

NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH....

Dirk, Randy, Pearline, Danielle and Sharona have been livin' and lovin' together for over twenty years, but lately their underwater orgies have lost their edge. They need someone fresh, someone adventurous, someone with the same fetish for flowered swimcaps and Speedos on chubby men--someone exactly like Poinsettia.

PLUNDERING THE DEPTHS....

Together, this dynamic, sexy sixsome plunge into a series of hilarious, erotic escapades in their goal to break the ageist and sexist barriers of Olympic sports--and forge new frontiers in chlorinated ecstasy along the way. As Poinsettia learns, backsplash has never been more fun.

Come in the water, because everyone else has... in A PIECE OF THE ACTION.

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 8:41 AM

Posted by Bron:

LOL - love the ones so far! Here's my attempt, for picture 1:

Private eye Dick Short is investigating an extortion racket at Wilma’s Wonderful World of Water. Usually, being under cover means having somewhat more....well, covers... but our Dick will bravely soldier on, determined to find the culprit blackmailing Wilma’s wealthier patrons. Is it wacky Wilma herself? Prune-faced Prudence? Perpetually impatient Patience? Or is it Virginnia – the quietest one of the lot – and the only one who has not yet been blackmailed?

For Virginnia Cant, Wilma’s weekly aqua-aerobics class is her only hour of escape from the never-ending demands of caring for her rich, invalid Daddy. Lately, though, there’s been more tension in the group - the class just hasn’t been the same since Wilma let those men join. One of them’s okay – even if he does insist on always doing the chatanooga choo-choo – but that Dick Short...well, despite seeming insignificant on the surface, he’s always watching her. Surely there must be more to Dick than meets the eye?

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 9:31 AM

Posted by jennifer macaire:

# 5
In an abandoned warehouse, Jacqueline Montdos works frantically to find a way to neutralize the deadly rust growing on all the recipiants stocked in the warehouse full of with deadly viruses. Stunned, she realizes that the masked man beside her, Doctor Geepers Gennings, has fallen for her in a big way. How can she tell him that the bump on her back isn't from a hidden oxygen tank? Will he love her despite her hunchback? Will love survive the deadly rust, the deadly viruses, and the curve in her spine?

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 5:21 PM

Posted by Teresa H:

Title: Drop Dead Rick
The Case of the Kleptomaniac Poodle

Drop Dead Dick is the professional name for wrestler, Richard Burton Jones, who also moonlights at a private investigator. He takes a lot of flak over the name his somewhat flakey, but lovable, mother gave him—she was obviously star struck when he was born.

Elizabeth “Liz” Smith needs a private eye when her pet poodle is kidnapped and she is left the oddest ransom note possible. The note is so odd that the police department laughed her out their door, right after they told her this was a job for “Dick.” What else can she do?

When Dick meets Liz the sexual tension is so thick that he is willing to pay her to solve her problem. Liz isn’t so sure that the “pretty boy wrestler” has what it takes to locate her slightly kleptomaniac poodle, and besides she lost the ransom note somewhere between the Police Department and Dick’s office. Is it too much of a coincidence that Liz’s middle name just happen’s to be Taylor? Destiny plays strange games at times...

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 8:15 PM

Posted by Teresa H:

I forgot to say that mine was for picture number two :-?

Saturday, April 23rd 2005 @ 8:16 PM

Posted by Ann:

Last pic:

The Sand People from Star Wars hadn't signed up for this. Hazmat duty. Respirators. Yellow clothes. But that was just another instance of the Studio not taking care of the little people. The Wizard of Oz all over again. An Actor's Guild nightmare in which someone, somewhere, would never work in this town again.

Looks like a job for...Tiffany R.Gasm, Union Rep.

Coming soon from Bombshell.

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 6:31 AM

Posted by Anonymous:

H.A.L was disgruntled too. No decent work since 1968. Y2k owed him everything. He'd put 2001 on the map, fer chrissakes. Then was kicked out of Hollywood with nothing. Not even a fare thee well. Now, 27 years later, he's back and he's mad. One angry PC who'll stop at nothing to control the world, read lips...whatever. Rubick watch out. Those darn cubes. Entertained everyone. Ruined him. Wha? Kubrick? Oh yeah. Kubrick.

Nevermind.

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 7:17 AM

Posted by Ann:

Geez. That was for pic 3 and was by me. I hate blogs

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 7:22 AM

Posted by Olga Grun:

Kate, the contest sounds like fun! I'll try to come up with something!

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 7:43 AM

Posted by Laura:

For pic 5.
Title: Hazmat Lurve, by Shesa Romantic

In a world where it's no longer safe to venture outdoors without a hazmat suit on, everyone looks the same. How's a girl to find her perfct guy under the yellow? This problem perplexes Holly Hooter day in, day out, as she works moving hoses around. Little does Holly realize that love will find a way to find her. Guy Johnson has had his eyes on Holly's hooters for six months, waiting for the perfect moment to approach her. However, fate conspires against them, and they are never scheduled to work the same shift. She's coming off-shift as he's going on...but he can always find her. She's that memorable. Thank heavens for I.D. Bozz, and his fantasitc scheduling abilities. Holly and Guy's dreams will come true if they wear their hazmat suits right.

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 7:56 AM

Posted by Laura:

Sheesh! Where did all those typos come from? :o

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 7:58 AM

Posted by Michelle:

Oh, this is fun.

For picture #3:

The worst computer virus the world had ever known . . .
When sexy computer geek Drexel Humperdink finds a Trojan horse riding his hard drive, he needs a virus doctor--fast. The black square dominates the monitors of millions, forcing their eyes to focus on hypnotic low-resolution screens. In a desperate effort to save the server, Drexel employs the help of ancient voodoo gods, furry statues who can cleanse the vital data that keeps TIVO running.
Goddess Fuzzy Cheerleaderlegs is one of those statues. When he strokes her red fur, chanting the ancient binary code, he unleashes a passionate woman . . . four inches tall. He doesn't have enough RAM to satisfy her, and time is running out.

Can they find a cure, when all around them, evil pterodactyls are perching atop the monitors?

Can their love affair survive, when Humperdink uncovers Fuzzy's darkest secret?

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 9:24 AM

Posted by Kate Allan:

I'm sorry. All those pictures are far too scary.

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 6:55 PM

Posted by me:

#4 Carl and Buddy

A love so tender, so deep, so bizarre, only a few can fathom. Not even Buzz and Woody could relate. The love between these two unique individuals was of rare form, or of at least material form. Would the world be ready for this kind of love?

Read how these wonderful creatures first met and became best friends and lovers. This is a sure fire way to see the beauty in all things, to learn about their unique relationship, and to get that fire going at home. But remember to not have Buddy too close to the flames when he visits.:P:o

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 9:55 PM

Posted by K8:

Picture #1, of course.

They said it couldn't be done, but for the Yellowhead Synchronised Swim Team, no challenge was too great. Despite Terry and Bob being horribly fat and Joe having lately become Josephine, they were determined to make the world's first floating daisy chain.

It was Mavis's idea. But the rest of the team could never be sure if it was because she really wanted the chain, or because she really wanted one from Terry. As for Dorothy, as the first black female synchronised swimming daisy-chainer, she felt the weight of history on her shoulders. Or was it just Bob, pushing her under the water?

As for Vera, it would be an uphill battle to lose her prejudices over Joe's clothing preferences. Could she ever give her heart to a man who wore a one-piece with an integral bra?

Breaking The Chain.

Making history, falling in love, and getting a right good rogering in the process.

Sunday, April 24th 2005 @ 11:38 PM

Posted by Aimless:

Pic #4:

Woodalia Elmhurst had given up on true love. Each time she tried to branch out, her affection was split by heartbreak’s cruel axe, giving her no choice but to pack her trunk and leaf. She’s tired of men who only see her as a dummy. Gnarled by age and pining for companionship, would she ever find a worthy man to get knotty with?

The last thing on Lum Bergerack’s mind is falling in love, but Woodalia’s sweet limbs and mahogany hair felled him at first glance. Still, no woman has ever been able to see the real man behind the beard, and he refuses to admit she has him by the short hairs. Dare he trust Woodalia enough to prune his wandering ways?

Against the odds, Lum and Woodalia’s love blossoms. In one impassioned interlude on Lum’s knee, his hands find a place no one had ever touched before, freeing Woodalia’s voice at last. But trouble is afoot in the forest. Tree rot runs rampant, and despite Lum’s impassioned pleas, Woodalia’s roots run too deep for her flee to safety. Will Lum risk everything to stay with his twiggy love?

Summer’s Eve… when passion is stumped by a hairy situation.

Monday, April 25th 2005 @ 12:10 AM

Posted by Mary Stella:

What a great idea for a contest! I love all the entries, Kate. I'm not entering because I actually wrote the back copy for my two books. (My editor then tweaked.) It IS hard -- even for those of us who have marketing experience!

Monday, April 25th 2005 @ 3:57 AM

Posted by jennifer macaire:

I have been laughing so hard at these - Great job everyone!
Mary Stella - what a great cover for your new book!
Kate, you can disqualify mine too - I've written back copy before, and usually I have a lot of fun doing it!
Hugs,
Jenny

Monday, April 25th 2005 @ 10:27 PM

Posted by Kate Rothwell:

NO, no, NO! I will disqualify NO ONE. Not even any real editors who enter. This is an open to all sort of a contest.

Monday, April 25th 2005 @ 10:30 PM

Posted by Carys:

(Picture Five)
Kate Borngen, tree hugger, and total naturalist, hatches a plan to bring down Mark Manwell's Plastics Conglomerate.

Going undercover, wearing a hated rubber suit, she bides her time. What she gets is an education in safe everything.

Mark turns out to be the god of planet awareness--something she never suspected. Not to mention, despite the unflattering fashion statements and the warped sound of their voices in the masks he insists on, a romance buds between the two.

If you're looking for fun turn-on's in a safe environment...you'll laugh until you cry with SAFE BUT NOT SAFE ENOUGH.:o:o:o:P

Monday, April 25th 2005 @ 10:40 PM

Posted by Carys:

(Picture four)
Jerusalem's greatest love story never told!

Divorced, depressed, and turned to dummy for company, Dan, the ventriloquist, has given up on finding true love.

But then he meets a girl named Mary, who just lost someone very special to her--and she needs cheered up.

Can Louie, the dummy, bring a smile? Coax Mary into smiling only for Dan? You bet he can!

Monday, April 25th 2005 @ 10:54 PM

Posted by Crystal*:

Picture #1:

Two men. Four women. Always wet. Always together.
Polygamy among merpeople is common. This tribe recognizes each other by the canary yellow headdress and floral look. And faithfulness to the tribe is essential.
But all is not well.
Marian, the last woman, is tired of being at the end of the line. She wants more. And by God she will have it. She steps out of the pool with high hopes and mermaid dreams.
It's hard. There is no one she can count on. There is no one she trusts. But she will find a man of her own or die trying.
It won't be easy. She goes to all the hot spots. The zoo. The aquarium. But all is not well. Her merhusband is jealous. And a jealous merhusband is the stuff of nightmares. Sure, he has another wife, but he wants it all.
Marian finally finds the man of her dreams working the fish tank at the local pet store. John is everything she ever wanted. But what will Marian do?
Should she tell him the truth? Will he understand?
Time is running out, and her fins are shriveling. Marian must make the decision of a lifetime. What's a mermaid to do?

Grins*
I have 204. Hope this is okay.

Tuesday, April 26th 2005 @ 3:48 AM

Posted by Ann:

Spongebob tryouts had taken more out of Melanie than she'd planned. But who ever planned anything that would happen in life? Like when she was four and Aunt Hilda asked her what she was going to be when she grew up, Melanie knew her answer hadn't been "Octopussy". Yet here she sat, or swam as it was, in a pool, trying out for a kid's cartoon. How had it come to this? How had the very essence of her soul distilled into this moment? This moment when - God help Squidward if he didn't remove his hand from her ass right now. Right now - when one ugly British bloke with jowls had her fate in his hands?

TBA from MIRA: A Relationship Novel

Tuesday, April 26th 2005 @ 8:28 AM

Posted by Kate (UK):

Ok this is awful compared to the others I've read, but here goes:

For picture #5
A sweeping tale of romance against impossible odds...

Hunter Masterson, wealthy owner of the local toxic waste processing plant. A powerful man in the community who has plans to turn the local Indian Reservation into a landfill site. A man wedded to his work and the money and prestige that goes with it.

Little Running Deer works as a waste processor in Hunter’s plant. To earn the money to support her brother’s Freedom for the Land movement, she will overcome the harshest of irony, toiling away in the enemy camp.

On a tour of the plant Hunter espies a particularly petite and lissom figure in a hazmat suit and is stunned by the burning desire that sweeps over him. She only sees him as an opponent to be brought down at any cost.

Can they possibly find love? As he becomes…

The Deer Hunter.
:P

Tuesday, April 26th 2005 @ 6:32 PM

Posted by Candy:

Is writing a blurb for imaginary Simpsons slashfic copyright violation?

Oh well, moot question, because here comes my second entry for this competition! (If multiple entries disqualify me, so be it. This blurb cried out to be written, and I had to obey my muse.)

Anyway, this is based on picture number 5. Title: Love Among the Three-Eyed Fishes. I picture it to be similar to a Harlequin Presents release--one of those "His Buxom Secretary" sort of books.

------------

The flames of unrequited love...

For years, Smithers has writhed under the torment of desiring C. Montgomery Burns. His balding head, his burning eyes, his withered frame--all have served to drive Smithers mad. But this love that dare not speak its name cannot ever be... Or can it?

A dawning awareness...

Smithers has been the perfect assistant for the billionaire tycoon and industrialist: efficient, constantly on-call and unquestioningly loyal. Now Burns finds himself stirred in unexpected ways by his flat-topped henchman, and juices that have lain dormant for decades are flowing again...

A disastrous accident...

When the workers go on strike and a toxic spill threatens to bring unwelcome attention on the plant yet again, Burns and Smithers are forced to clean things up themselves. Under the anonymity of the gas masks and biohazard suits, the two of them find passion spiraling out of control. Bliss seems certain, until a mysterious female figure appears and disrupts their trysting amidst the isotopes. Can Smithers vanquish this rival for Mr. Burns' affections? Or is his love doomed to be carted off and disposed in leak-proof lead-lined containers and buried 75 feet underground, never to see the light of day again?

Wednesday, April 27th 2005 @ 6:42 AM

Posted by Donna Who?:

Picture 3...

Jame's couldn't believe what he was seeing on his monitor! Jacqueline was flying in tonight! He felt unbelievable joy knowing he would finally hold her in his arms. Still, he was nervous. Was she really the incredibly rich, witty, smart, loving woman with the body of a goddess that he had been falling for all these months? What would she do when she finds out the dark secret that he has kept from her during their hot internet romance? And what about her? Had she really told him everything? Only time will tell...

Wednesday, April 27th 2005 @ 2:30 PM

Posted by cheryl b.:

Here's my entry for picture #2. I would have entered sooner but it has been a CRAZY week.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SPACE DETECTIVE DIEGO MARTIN
never expected to see Earth again. After chasing scumdog of the universe Oderus Urungus back to his home planet he uncovers a sinister plot to capture Earth woman for use in a space brothel.....
PUSHY BROAD VEGA VASQUEZ
was frightened at first by her alien captor. This fear soon turned to rage when she discovered what Oderus had planned for his captives.....
HATE AT FIRST SITE
is how Vega would have described her feelings toward the handsome detective assigned the case. Diego felt something else entirely. Working together to free the kidnapped girls they slowly developed a tentative friendship....

Could this friendship lead to something more?
Will the girls be saved from their terrifying fate?
Or will Vega's fiery attitude ruin any chance of love as well as the hope of freedom from Oderus and his evil plan?
Find out in
SPACE DETECTIVE TO THE RESCUE!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't come up with Oderus myself, he is the lead singer of Gwar, one of my favorite bands. Check out their website (google Gwar, it's the first one that comes up). You'll see why I chose him.

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Posted by Grace Atkinson:

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